Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
