i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
