Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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