Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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