kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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