i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
