I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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