You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
