we have officially mastered the walk of shame
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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