she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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