We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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