Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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