Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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