Well apparently he's into motor boating.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
