The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
