??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
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