I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
