Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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