wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
