he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
