I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
my liver is dry heaving
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
