i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
