Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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