I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
