i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
