I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You are the jesus of drinking
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
