Too much gin, very little bucket
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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