It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
