Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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