If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
