I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
