Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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