I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
