i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
