Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
