we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
