i permit you to call me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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