Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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