We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
