Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
