He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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