I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
