i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
