I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
