i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
