I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
