Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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