you have to choose: penises or morals?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
