Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
