Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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