I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't turn off my feet"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
