my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well I just put wine in my tea
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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